Quite Possibly the Worst New Year's Ever

We already knew we were going to be on a plane over the Atlantic for New Year's, but at least our sense of adventure and love of the eclectic were titillated by such possibility. As it turned out, the need to de-ice was followed by a mechanical failure of some sort that led to us sitting on the tarmac at LaGuardia for six hours. SIX HOURS. With three kids and no food (except for lucky, breastfeeding Avery). I never, ever board a plane without at least a couple of cereal bars and something for the kids to drink. Except last night.

We were soldiers. Our ranks complained not. Thank god for the onboard personal entertainment systems that now carry Spongebob cartoons.

As it turned out, the enforced fast was fortuitous since poor Aislin started decorating the terminal with puke as they switched us from one plane to another. Taking care of her meant that I was blessedly at the outermost outskirts of the ensuing madness. Delta issued us some meal vouchers at 10:30 p.m. with the caveat that we still had to board the plane by 11:00. Hilariously, absolutely every restaurant in the terminal was closed but for one tiny Dunkin Donuts kiosk whose single employee was doubtless absentmindedly rearranging the half-dozen remaining donuts and looking forward to whatever he was going to do in half an hour when his shift was over. Then, out of nowhere, a stampede of approximately 150 angry travelers descended upon the poor fellow shaking vouchers in his face and demanding coffee, croissant sandwiches, and the last shabby pastries with the fervor of those who have been denied the ability to vent their frustrations to the people responsible for their situation... I have never seen anyone of Indian descent look so ashen. I didn't stick around to see if he would wise up and just start throwing food out into the crowd like a zookeeper with the lions to keep some distance between himself and that barking Dutchman...

By the time we took off it was nearly midnight Eastern time, but nobody gave a whit. The flight attendants' festive signage and silly hats were conspicuously absent by the time we replaned, and there was no announcement over the PA. Wise employees, those.

We landed in Amsterdam around 1 p.m. Ugh. The jet lag has lingered this time far worse than any other. The first person who tells me that I'll laugh about this story someday can... can... I'll come up with something really terrible when my brain starts functioning again.